Stranger I Know So Well
by sheepishwolves
Summary: Dean decides he needs some time off hunting and Castiel makes a life changing offer. Eventual Dean/Cas.
1. Chapter 1

**This is my first Supernatural story. It is set during the season four timeline, but is AU. Any criticism to help me make the boys seem more true to their original characters would be awesome. Enjoy.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Supernatural or any of the characters.**

It had taken Dean hours to convince Sam that they needed a break, and now that they were on "vacation" Dean was thinking that maybe he should have kept his burger filled mouth shut. It wasn't like the apocalypse would take a time out for him, and not being on a case didn't stop him from thinking about hunting.

Sam was watching a movie and insisted that Dean get out of the motel room so he didn't wear holes in the carpet from pacing around with boredom. That, and apparently his majesty was hungry. _Next time you should eat more than a plate of frigging lettuce for lunch._

For a while Dean just drove around the suburbs to look at the life he'd never had. As long as he could remember he'd had the Impala, but a car can only function as a home for so long. Right now all he wanted was to have his own porch to sit on and to share a few beers with his brother as they watched their dog run rampant in the yard.

Dean shook his head in disbelief. A dog? He could barely even look after himself.

"There are no demons in this town, why are you still here?"

He was startled by Cas' arrival in the passenger seat, his raised voice proof of this, "Son of a bitch! We aren't allowed a few days off? The demons aren't going anywhere!"

"No, they aren't. But they are killing innocent people."

"Cas, I know they're killing people. But I need a break okay? I'm losing my mind. I need to forget about all things supernatural for a while." Dean waited for Castiel to lecture him but instead the rustling of feathers broke the silence as he vanished.

When Dean arrived back at the room, armed with enough pie to feed the both of them, Sam was asleep on the couch. His legs hung over the armrest, making him look positively gigantic. Without a second thought Dean eased his brother's boots off and pulled a blanket over him. Nothing was as beautiful as Sammy sleeping with his mouth open, spit running down his cheek and a snore that would rival a bear's roar.

The familiar sound of fluttering wings alerted him to another presence in the room. It wasn't out of character for Castiel to return once he had reflected over previous conversations.

"Don't think you can sneak up on me twice in one night." Dean turned around and noticed Cas was sitting on one of the beds instead of standing awkwardly in the middle of the room. He looked troubled.

He dropped down next to the angel, "Hey, are you alright? You look like you've just lost your puppy."

"I do not have a puppy Dean. You of all people should know this." Before Dean could say anything, Castiel looked up and furrowed his brow, "I do not know if this is the right thing to do but if it is what you truly want, I can do it."

"You can do what?"

He stood, his brilliant blue eyes piercing Dean's soul. For a moment he looked like he was going to say something, but he decided against it and turned away.

"Cas, you're scaring me. Is it your grace?" _Please God don't let him lose his grace._

"Do not worry Dean, I am not losing my grace. This is much more serious than that." Castiel opened the front door and stepped into the night. Which worried him because Cas _never_ used doors.

Outside, he sat on the footpath and held a beer out to Dean. Maybe Cas was picking up human behaviours easier than he had first thought.

"Now Cas, I don't know what you're getting at, but I don't think boozing me up is the right way to go about it. You know how I get when I'm –"

He interrupted, "Intoxicated? I am aware that you let your hands wander when you are drunk, yes."

Dean took the beer and laughed to himself. Castiel must have been thinking about a turn of events some time ago. They had just finished a raid on a vampire coven in Wyoming when he and Sam had decided that they needed victory drinks. Cas had appeared in the car as they had pulled into the parking lot and they wouldn't take no for an answer. The angel sat between the brothers at the bar, looking positively lost, and every time the barman put a drink in front of him he passed it over to Dean. Which was how he had managed to get royally wasted for the first time in years and tried to cop a feel of Cas' ass. Needless to say Castiel only dealt with Sam for a few months after that.

"Dean, are you listening to me?" Cas rested a hand firmly on the hunter's shoulder, "I said, I can help you forget about all things supernatural."

"Wait, what?"

"I can erase everything from your memories. Sam's too. You'll wake up with a completely normal life. An 'apple pie' life I believe you call it."

"So, no vampires? Demons? Anything?"

Cas looked up at the moon and scowled, "Nothing. Of course they will still exist, but you won't be aware."

"What about you?"

His eyes softened, "It will be as if we never met."


	2. Chapter 2

**Thank you so much to those of you who left reviews on the first chapter! This one is slightly longer and is basically just a setup chapter for things to come. There's a slight cliff hanger, but it shouldn't be too hard to guess what it's about. As always, any suggestions are most welcome.**

"Sorry I freaked on you earlier," Dean sat on a swing which was hanging from a grand old oak tree in the yard of his home and stared at the sky, "I'm still not completely sure if I was hallucinating or not."

He didn't need to look at Castiel to know that he was tilting his head a little to the side as he stared unblinking at Dean's back. Even though it was a dream, he knew Cas wasn't a figment of his imagination. If he ever dreamt of the angel he would make sure to get him out of that damned trench coat.

Castiel stepped forward and rested a firm hand on Dean's shoulder, "It was no dream."

"How-" The angel was gone. Dean stood from the swing and walked towards the back porch where a young dog lay. He wasn't sure where his sudden desire for a dog had come from, but he couldn't deny that seeing the dog's tail wag when it saw him stirred a warm feeling in his heart.

Sammy had gone into town for supplies, and fresh pie, that morning and would probably end up in the library for half the day so Dean decided he'd explore the forest behind the motel. That was what people on vacation did right? Go outside and look at stuff?

He laced up his boots and muttered to himself, "I can't just take a leisurely hike; I'll get jumped by a Wendigo or some other bastard."

"There is no Wendigo in this town, you have received false information."

Dean sighed, he wasn't sure if Cas would ever fully understand people. He took a bottle of water from the fridge and stepped out of the room. It didn't matter that he had locked the angel inside; he'd just zap himself to wherever Dean ended up.

The forest was, well, foresty. If Sammy had been there he probably would have burst into tears at the sight of a doe and her fawn skipping nimbly through the undergrowth.

Even though the only sounds echoing through the forest were from insects and a few birds, Dean could hear a loud ringing cutting through what should have been near silence. A sign of playing with guns for too long. Hearing Castiel's true voice probably didn't help either. This had irritated him for some time, making it hard to fall asleep or to hear Sam whispering to him when they were on a hunt, but it especially frustrated him today because all Dean wanted was to feel at peace.

The crunching of boots brought Dean back to reality. He felt like a fool, standing in the middle of the forest with his hands pressed firmly over his ears. Was he trying to push the ringing out of his head? He wasn't sure.

"Are you in pain Dean?" Castiel reached to touch his fingers to Dean's forehead, but he jumped back,

"Don't you dare use your mojo on me! I'm fine."

Cas frowned, "You are lying. Something is bothering you."

Dean rolled his eyes and continued along the trail, wishing he'd brought something to eat. He remembered Sam was getting pie and contemplated heading back to the room until he heard a sigh behind him.

"What? Am I meant to cry on your shoulder like a little bitch and confess everything that is bothering me? Do you really want to know what is going on inside my head? I am sick and tired of everyone expecting so much out of me! You and your holy brothers want me to be some demon-ganking prodigy, Sam wants me to be the same old fun-loving Dean that I used to be and the worst thing is that I don't even know what _I_ want anymore! I have your goddamn screechingvoice ringing in my ears every second of the day and I keep having nightmares about going back to Hell and then you tell me you can get rid of all that. What am I supposed to do Cas? Just forget about everything that has made me who I am? Let the apocalypse happen? I was meant to live this life; I can't run away from it when it gets a little overwhelming."

He didn't wait for Castiel to say anything, instead stepped off the trail and wandered deeper into the forest. More than anything Dean wanted to get lost but knew the angel would follow him and make sure he stayed out of trouble. Even if it was only so he could save the world or whatever it was he was "chosen" to do.

As Dean had expected, Castiel was soon following close behind, "I am sorry if I have pushed you too hard. Sometimes I forget you are only human."

He laughed to himself, wading through the gradually thickening undergrowth, "In that case, I'm sorry that I have so little patience with you. I forget that you're only an angel of the lord."

"And what is that supposed to mean?" Dean could hear the annoyance in Castiel's voice. He kept pushing through the forest, amazed that the angel was still continuing to follow him on foot.

The hunter kept his silence and heard the wind sweeping through the treetops. If he hadn't had the constant ringing tainting his hearing, he probably would have stopped to simply listen. He was about to turn and see if Castiel was still following him when his foot caught on a rock and his face met with the unforgiving earth.

Dean rolled onto his back and winced, "Cas? You there? You better not be laughing at me or I swear I'll kick your ass!"

"I am here. Why would I laugh? Your misfortune is not something I find amusing." Castiel appeared over him and held out a hand. As he pulled Dean off the ground, he scowled,

"Your right ankle is hurt. I worry for your safety so much Dean, you are most clumsy sometimes."

"How do you know my ankle is hurt? It feels fine..." Dean put all his weight onto his right leg and felt it buckle beneath him. Castiel was there to catch him this time, setting him down on a fallen tree.

He didn't object to the angel pulling the leg of his jeans up to reveal his swelling ankle, but couldn't control his reflexes when Cas pulled his boot off roughly. The back of Dean's hand connected with the side of Cas' face with a loud smack and knocked him off balance.

Castiel's eyes widened menacingly, "_Never_ do that again."

"Sorry. You gotta be a bit softer. I am _only human_ after all. Fragile and all that." Dean smirked through the throbbing and waited for Castiel to accept his apology.

"I understand. As I said, I forget you are such frail beings. This shouldn't hurt." He placed his hands either side of Dean's ankle and closed his eyes. Dean felt his ankle tingle a little until the pain disappeared completely. Before he could thank Cas, he had his hands placed over Dean's ears. As he removed his hands, he held his face inches away from Dean's,

"I did not know I had injured your hearing. If you had told me sooner I could have eased your suffering. It- it brings me great sorrow to know I have hurt you."

Dean shrugged, "I had bigger things to worry about," _Like why I was the one dragged out of Hell,_ "But thank you. So much."

The silence was beautiful. Dean hated chick flick moments like this, but hearing a single bird singing some distance away without the scream of Castiel's true voice drowning it out was overwhelming. He pulled his boot back on, feeling so much lighter than he had earlier that day.

Cas turned away and began to walk back to the path, "I am afraid the original purpose of my visit this morning was not to take a stroll in the woods with you. We need to talk," He turned to face Dean, "about Sam."


	3. Chapter 3

**Thanks for taking time out of your busy lives to view this, I really appreciate it! This chapter is short, but if I had kept writing it would have ended up going on forever.**

Nothing good seemed to last long around a Winchester. If Castiel was right, and Sam was still using his "powers" even though he had promised he wasn't, Dean was going to... He wasn't sure what he was going to do yet, but it would probably involve a hell of a lot of yelling.

He paced around the motel room while Cas stood by the window, "Are you _sure_? Because if you're wrong-"

"I am absolutely sure. You must stop him." The angel almost looked apologetic as he stared unblinkingly at Dean.

He hadn't even had time to think of what he was going to say before Sam walked through the door. With pie in one hand and a case of beer in the other, he looked so innocent.

Dean didn't even let his brother close the door before he spoke, "Sammy, please tell me you haven't been using your magic tricks behind my back." He was on the verge of pleading.

The case of beer slipped from Sam's fingertips and landed with a thump on the carpet, "Who?" He saw Castiel staring at him from the other side of the room and bowed his head in defeat, "But I'm saving people."

"You can save people plenty of other ways."

"You don't understand Dean, we lost so many people before I had my powers. I haven't killed anyone in the last year! It feels good."

Dean stepped so close to his brother, he had to look up to meet his eyes, "It feels good killing demons with your mind? You're turning into a monster and if you don't stop right now this is only going to get a whole lot worse for you."

"And what do you mean by that Dean? You gonna run off because you can't handle having a monstrosity for a brother?" Sam turned his back on Dean, who was barely holding onto his anger,

"I won't let the angels hurt you Sammy, but if I have to I will kill you. Pack your bags; we're going to Bobby's."

Sam didn't move from his position in the middle of the room as Dean shoved his clothes back into his bag, "I'm not going anywhere with you."

"Oh, is that how you're going to be? Sam you think you know what's best for yourself, but you're putting a ransom on your head. You have to realise that something is not right when both sides want to take you down! I don't care if you hate me for the rest of your life, as long as you're safe."

Before Sam could respond, most likely with a punch, Castiel stepped away from the window and stood next to Sam,

"Right now, listening to your brother is the only option you have. Stop trying to fight him, he's doing his best to protect you."

Sam snapped, "I don't need protecting, I'm not a child! Why don't you trust me Dean? What part of 'helping people' sounds so wrong?"

The older Winchester didn't speak. Not that he needed to, his eyes showed enough frustration. There was no way he was going to get through to his brother without punching him, and Sam would easily overpower him anyway. If what Cas had said was true, and he had no reason to doubt the angel, Heaven was ready to take Sam out as soon as he took one step too far. Dean couldn't risk that. He would do anything to keep the last shred of his family together, so he turned to Castiel,

"Cas, mojo. Now."

For a second Castiel looked stunned, but quickly composed himself, "Are you absolutely sure?"

Dean nodded before he could change his mind.

"What are you talking about? Dean?" Sam backed away as Castiel stretched his fingers towards his forehead, "Dean?"

Dean clamped his eyes shut, feeling them well up with moisture, "I'm saving your life."

When he opened his eyes, Sam was in a heap on the floor.

Castiel turned to Dean, "Close your eyes. Stop moving. You won't even remember this."

Dean tried to smile as he closed his eyes, "That's what I'm worried about."

He could feel Castiel standing far too close to him, probably staring, and murmuring what he assumed to be a spell under his breath.

"Cas, I'm not great at goodbye speeches, but thanks."

He stopped murmuring and Dean realised exactly how close the angel was when he spoke into Dean's ear, "What are you thanking me for? Last night you were violently against this."

"No, not that. I meant thanks for, I don't know, being my friend, believing that I could end the apocalypse. I still think you're insane, but I won't hold that against you."

Castiel attempted a small chuckle as he let his fingers brush gently over the hand shaped scar he had left on Dean's shoulder, then moved them to rest on the taller man's forehead.

"I have more to thank you for than you will ever know, Dean Winchester."


	4. Chapter 4

**Sorry I haven't updated in ages, uni and work have been a little busier than usual.**

Blinding light burned the back of Dean's eyelids as he regained consciousness. He shielded his eyes and took a moment to let his vision adjust. Outside his bedroom window the sky was every shade of pink and orange as the day ended.

"Damn." Dean sat up and pinched the bridge of his nose. He couldn't remember falling asleep, but then again he couldn't remember much with the headache that pounded behind his eyes.

The quiet pitter patter of paws carried along the hallway outside Dean's room and he reached behind his back for his gun. _Gun?_ He'd never owned a firearm in his life.

Dean shook his head and stared at the door, starting to laugh as a wet nose poked into the room. An energetic Beagle pushed the door open and pounced onto Dean's lap. He sputtered as it licked his face,

"Zeppelin!"

A teasing voice stole Dean's attention, "Since when do you stoop to making out with dogs?"

Sam raised his hands defensively as his older brother murmured, "Bitch."

"Dude, you've been out cold all day, are you feeling alright?"

Now that he took a moment to think about it, Dean did feel a little unwell. His head was pounding and he wobbled a little as he stood to follow Sam downstairs. He steadied himself quickly, not wanting his brother to go all mother goose on him.

Zeppelin rolled down most of the stairs, hitting the floor running after Sam. _A Beagle, why not something a little more... coordinated?_

"Dean, feed your dog. He's gonna chew my leg off."

He opened a tin of dog food and tipped the contents into a bowl, leaving the young dog happily chowing down and turned to his brother,

"Sammy, what happened last night? Did we get wasted? I can't remember a thing..."

Sam shook his head, "Nope, just a normal day... Nothing eventful." He actually looked a little puzzled himself.

Dean pressed the palm of his hand against his temple and groaned, the pain in his head was getting worse. He rummaged through the cupboard and popped a few aspirin and reclined on the couch. Sam called from the top of the stairs,

"I'm not gonna be your little bitch, but if you need me just yell. I'll be upstairs working."

He nodded absent mindedly and tried to remember what he had done that morning. Walking in the forest came to mind, but he couldn't recall anything else.

Again the throbbing peaked, this time stirring Dean's stomach. He managed to shuffle back towards the kitchen, leaning over the sink just in time to throw up something that resembled the remains of a blueberry pie. Dean leaned against the sink and took a few deep breaths but the room spun faster and faster until his fingers slipped from the bench top and the floor rose up to meet him.

* * *

"I thought he just had a migraine... How serious is it?"

"If you hadn't called 911 when you did, he'd probably be dead. Dehydration is a serious issue. Do you have any idea how long he hasn't been consuming fluids?"

Dean could hear Sam and what he could only assume to be a doctor nearby. A heart monitor beeped steadily beside him and he could feel an IV line in his arm.

_Dehydration? But I was fine before..._

If he was going to be completely honest with himself, he couldn't actually remember much of anything prior to waking up that afternoon.

"Ah, Sleeping Beauty has risen."

The doctor, who reminded him a little of David Hasselhoff, scribbled something on the folder at the end of Dean's bed and winked before strolling out of the room.

Sam didn't speak for a long time. He just sat next to Dean and stared at him with those eyes that would melt anyone else.

"What is it Sam? You're freaking me out with the whole puppy eyes thing you got going on."

His brother sighed, "I'm worried about you Dean. The doctor said it's like you haven't had a drop of fluid in weeks. What's going on man?"

"I don't know Sammy, I can't remember anything. What do you know?"

"The doc said you could have some minor brain damage... Memory loss, that kind of stuff... So they kept you under for a few days."

"Days? I've been out of it for days? No wonder I'm so hungry. Nurse! Nurse! Can I get a cheeseburger in here!"

Sam laughed, resting his head in his hands, "You never change do you?"

"What? A man's gotta keep his strength up." Dean lifted his arms to flex his biceps, but his left only rose a few inches and tensed involuntarily. He didn't let Sam see the pain flash across his face, instead lowering his arm back down and changing the subject,

"Look at that nerdy lookin' dude under the streetlight outside; he totally took fashion advice from Columbo."

His laugh wasn't convincing, but Sam played along anyway, "Yeah, I bet that's the look he's going for. Um, I better go... Zeppelin is probably going nuts."

Dean waited until his brother was gone before looking down at his arm. How had become so dehydrated that his brain had been damaged? Why couldn't he remember anything before that afternoon? And why did it feel like that guy outside was staring directly at him? Even from a few storeys up, Dean could tell that the man looked troubled. His hands hung by his sides and he didn't move a muscle the whole time they were staring each other off.

A nurse entered Dean's room and turned the main lights off, suggesting it was time for him to go to sleep. When he looked back down to the street the guy was gone.

* * *

When he woke mid-morning, a plate of pancakes was waiting on Dean's bedside table. By the time Sam had returned with his coffee the plate was empty.

"Well, someone's ravenous this morning."

Through a mouthful of food Dean spoke, pointing his fork towards the window, "Someone else is feeling mighty creepy."

"Did you stop to think that maybe he has a relative in the hospital?"

"He was staring at me after you left! Right into this room!"

Sam rolled his eyes, "Sure he was. How's your arm?"

Dean's eyes dropped to his left arm. He hadn't really thought about it until Sam had mentioned it. He shrugged, "It's not like I need it."

A genuine smile shone through Sam's mask and he hit Dean's shoulder playfully, "I guess we'll just have to make do. It's not like you were that useful to begin with."

The brothers continued to joke about until Sam headed off to work for the day. He promised he'd be back that night, but Dean told him not to bother. Zeppelin had never liked being alone at night and Dean couldn't bear the thought of him cowering under the dining table until Sam got home.

A nurse fiddled about with Dean's IV and disconnected his heart monitor now that he was conscious, then left him to himself. He flicked through the television channels until he became bored of seeing the same advertisements over and over and decided to get out of bed. His first step was wobbly, but using his IV stand to balance helped him considerably.

Dean murmured to himself as he opened the door to the tiny balcony and stepped outside, "If you're going to stand there and stare up here all day, I may as well find out what you want. Hey, Columbo!"

The man's head snapped up, but instead of replying he disappeared into the morning rush of pedestrians. Dean was a little hurt by the man's sudden departure but had a feeling that he'd be back.

The crappy hospital food had been left untouched beside Dean's bed. He propped himself up with pillows so he could comfortably watch over the busy street below.

_What if Sam's right and this guy hasn't been watching me at all? Maybe he's just lost someone... I should apologise to him, buy him a beer or something._

"Do you know that guy? He's been back every night since you turned up, always under that light."

The nurse made Dean drink a glass of water before he replied, "I have no idea who he is, but could you ask him to come up? It looks like we could both use the company."

He watched the nurse march across the street and grab the man by the elbow. It looked like she wasn't taking no for an answer. As they disappeared into the hospital, Dean's stomach flipped. What was he supposed to say to this guy?

"Mr Winchester, you have a visitor." The nurse didn't let go of the nerdy guy's arm until he was sitting in the armchair next to Dean's bed, looking terribly uncomfortable. She left them in silence, staring at each other.

Dean was the first to talk, "Hey man, I'm Dean. Sorry if you were waiting for someone, you looked like you needed company."

"I am," He paused and took a deep breath, "Jimmy. I was waiting for a friend of mine, but you seem to be much more pleasant."

"Well, I'm glad you think that." _In all honesty I'm glad you're still here._

Jimmy shifted in the armchair but never took his eyes off of Dean, who was grateful that he was no longer attached to the heart monitor.

"I should not be here." Jimmy bowed his head and moved to stand, but Dean reached out with his good hand,

"Don't. Please. I'd rather have you sitting next to me than out there in the cold."

_Was he losing his mind? Jimmy was going to think he was a lunatic now that he was using the chick flick lines._

"If that is what you want."

Neither men spoke again that night. Dean fell asleep soon after Jimmy had agreed to stay, and his new friend had watched over him with a worried frown.


	5. Chapter 5

**Sorry this has taken a while, I haven't had access to a computer lately. I hope you enjoy.**

_Dean's throat was raw from screaming. His body was so badly broken and he couldn't see through the blood caked on his face. All he could hear was his own rasping breaths and someone laughing._

"Dean! Dean, wake up!"

Someone was shaking his shoulders gently and whispering his name in the darkness. It must have been close to dawn and Jimmy was still there. Dean drew in a deep breath and sat up, becoming aware that he was shaking and gasping for breath.

"You were screaming." Jimmy stood next to the bed, his arms hanging by his sides. He looked uncomfortable, to say the least.

Dean sighed, "Thanks man... Why are you still here?"

"You told me you wanted me to stay. Do you not remember?" Jimmy's head tilted a little to the side, the moonlight faintly illuminating his expressive blue eyes.

If he hadn't been catching his breath, Dean would have been laughing. Everything about Jimmy was so awkward. Even sitting in a chair seemed to make him uncomfortable.

"I, well, yeah... I guess I did." He rubbed his eyes, "How about I sleep in the chair for a while so you can get some proper rest?"

The smaller man didn't move, "I am comfortable in this position."

"Hmm, that's a new one; you'll have to teach me..." Dean winked, but Jimmy obviously hadn't caught the joke.

_What is wrong with you? Seriously you haven't known this guy a day and you're already cracking onto him? Pathetic Dean, pathetic. But he wouldn't have stayed unless he wanted to right? That has to count for something..._

He sat up further, trying to catch another glimpse of Jimmy's expression in the moonlight,

"Why are you really here? You could have taken off as soon as I fell asleep, but you stayed. We don't even know each other."

Dean could have sworn he saw a hint of sadness cross Jimmy's stone cold expression as he spoke,

"Why I am here is not relevant. Why did you want me to stay?"

"I'm going to sound stupid, but I swear we've met before. Something about you is so damn familiar and it's driving me crazy not knowing what it is."

He felt like an idiot, but Jimmy didn't appear to care. He simply sat back down next to Dean and stared off into space. For a while Dean watched him, trying to notice something about him that would trigger a memory but soon grew drowsy.

This time when he woke, Jimmy was gone. Although he didn't want to admit it, Dean's chest tightened when he realised his strange new friend wasn't standing outside either.

A nurse knocked on the door and informed Dean that he was free to leave, and that his brother was on his way to pick him up. He thanked her and stood, a little wobbly at first, and wandered over to the window. There was definitely no one staring blankly up at him from under the lamp post. Had Jimmy really spent the night in the chair beside him? Honestly, Dean was starting to think it had all been some kind of drug induced hallucination.

ooo

Sam yelled through the bathroom door, sounding like a total woman, "I have to go to work for a bit, but if you start feeling the slightest bit sick you call me okay?"

"Fine, fine. Now can I shower in peace?"

He listened to Sam's car leave the driveway and waited a few minutes before turning the shower off and wandering to his room, wearing only a towel.

"So, Mom's not home, what should I do? A, walk around naked all day or B," the doorbell rang, "or B, answer the door soaking wet. Coming!"

Not having time to throw on some clothes, Dean opened the door still wrapped in his towel. Of course it was Jimmy standing on the front porch in his wrinkled trench coat.

"Dean, I am sorry I did not say goodbye."

"No, it's fine, I assumed you had work or something important to do."

"That is true. But I have finished with those menial tasks." Jimmy stood awkwardly in the middle of the living room, staring at Dean, who suddenly felt uncomfortable in his towel.

"Look, let me get dressed and we can go from there. I still have no idea what you want from me but I think we're friends now so that means we should hang out right?"

Jimmy's brow furrowed but he did not speak. He seemed to be thinking, hard. Dean walked as fast as he could upstairs to his bedroom and found a clean pair of jeans and a t-shirt.

"So Jimmy, how did you –" He was cut short as he slowly made his way down the stairs, trying to avoid making himself dizzy.

Zeppelin had Jimmy cornered near the television, his teeth bared and the fur on his back on end. Dean scooped the pup into his arms and rubbed his belly playfully,

"I'd appreciate it if you didn't scare away everyone I bring home, you hell hound." He hadn't meant to say it that way, but yet again Jimmy didn't seem to have caught what Dean had said.

Dean sent the pup to play outside and returned to see Jimmy sitting on the edge of the couch.

"Come on Jimmy, let's get out of here, I need to stretch my legs."

The blue eyed man looked confused, "Where will we go?"

"I don't know, wherever our feet take us."

ooo

"You've never eaten a cheeseburger? You're kidding? That's it, I'm taking you out to dinner!"

Dammit, why did he have to put his foot in his mouth every single time? It wasn't like Jimmy ever noticed when Dean accidentally said something suggestive but it was embarrassing none the less.

Jimmy walked along beside Dean, his hands in the pockets of his trench coat, "I would like that."

Dean looked across the park and let a tiny smirk spread across his lips. He had a feeling he hadn't been this happy in a long time.

ooo

While Jimmy was attending to a last minute situation at work, Dean was arguing with Sam. He hadn't specified the exact nature of his outing, but Sam was refusing to let him leave anyway.

"What if you faint? You can't even use your arm properly yet and don't try and tell me that you're walking fine because I saw your leg give out before. Why can't you just order in like you normally do?"

Dean snapped, "Because I'm taking Jimmy out okay Mom? He's the only person who has given a damn about me since I got sick and I'd like to thank him. Do you have a problem with that?"

Sam closed his eyes and exhaled sharply, "I'll come with you. You can't drive yourself and from what you've said about this _Jimmy_, he doesn't drive either."

"Gee, thanks. I totally appreciate you crashing my da-" Dean turned away as quickly as he could, cursing, and walked onto the front porch. He casually glanced down the street but there was no sign of Jimmy. Was this a date? He didn't even know if Jimmy had a partner, male or female.

"You don't want me crashing your _date_? Do I sense nervous vibes? Come on Dean, you never get nervous." Sam didn't seem affected by the fact that Jimmy was a guy. To be completely honest, Dean was relieved he didn't have to have a fight with his brother over the whole situation.

He pinched the bridge of his nose and sighed, "Well I'm nervous now alright? I- I just don't want to scare him away."

"Shake off the nerves dude, because here comes your sexy lady."

Dean smacked Sam around the ear and turned in time to see Jimmy walk up the drive with a brown paper bag in his hand and an ominous scowl on his face.

"Jimmy, you okay?"

"I am quite fine Dean. My brothers were simply making crude remarks as to the nature of our relationship and I was not able to control my temper. Gabriel has now learned not to speak of you so crudely to me."

Jimmy nodded curtly at Sam, who was on the verge of bursting into laughter, and followed him into the house. He didn't sit until Dean patted on the couch next to him,

"What's in the bag?"

"Whisky."

Dean stood and spoke as he walked into the kitchen to find some glasses, "Well in that case I don't think we're going to be going anywhere tonight." He whispered to Sam, who was rummaging in the freezer for ice, "Mind getting the food?"

"I'll take my time, maybe catch a movie while I'm out?"

"Make sure it's a long one."

"Yes sir."

Sam grabbed the keys to his car and looked at Jimmy for a moment before shaking his head and closing the front door behind him.

Jimmy turned to Dean as he sat down and opened the bottle of whisky, "Your brother, he left so we could be alone didn't he?"

Dean nodded, biting his lip a little. Maybe Jimmy did just want to be friends and he had taken his kindness the wrong way. Jimmy continued, barely whispering,

"I am sorry if I am making this awkward Dean, I am not very familiar with the idea of 'dating'. If you find this strange, I would not object to you asking me to leave."

"We're dating?"

Jimmy's eyes dropped to the floor, "This is not what we are doing? You do not feel the same nausea as I do when we are apart? I am sorry Dean, I obviously read you wrong."

As he stood and made a beeline for the door, Dean caught Jimmy's arm, "No! No, I didn't mean it that way. I honestly feel like I've known you forever, but my damn memory is gone and I can't even remember last week. I'd like it if you stuck around for a few drinks at least."

Dean and Jimmy opened the bottle of whisky and slowly the conversation turned from harmless banter to drunken rambling. It appeared Jimmy was not as tolerant of alcohol as the older Winchester, so Dean let the smaller man slump against his shoulder and trace a pattern across his palm as his eyelids grew heavier,

"See, you used to be a real- a real assbutt. Even to me. I knew you secretly loooooved me but you would never let Sammy know because he's an assbutt too. A huge one!"

"I remember you ordering me around. _Dean do this, kill that. Stop the apocalypse blah blah blah._ You were a dick. But I like dicks."

Both men began to laugh hysterically, losing their balance and falling onto the floor. Once their laughter subsided, Jimmy curled up beside Dean and mumbled,

"I don't want your memories to get better, I like this new Dean."


	6. Chapter 6

**Okay, hopefully this chapter gets into the action a little more! Just a warning that there will be violence. I know I'm not the best writer out there (this is really the first serious story I've attempted) but reviews would be greatly appreciated :)**

"Good afternoon Dean."

A coatless Jimmy was standing by the kitchen doorway, presumably watching Dean sleep. How he had ended up on the couch, Dean didn't know; and with the hangover he was feeling he wasn't about to think about it.

"Mmm, you're awfully chirpy."

As if it was second nature, Dean walked into the kitchen to boil the kettle then turned and kissed Jimmy quickly on the lips as he grabbed a mug out of the cupboard. He froze once he realised what he'd done, but Jimmy was close to cracking a smile,

"I see no reason not to be happy."

Dean swallowed a few aspirin and grimaced, "How is it that you were twice as wasted as I was yet you don't even have bags under your eyes? No fair."

"If it's any consolation the only thing I remember is Sam throwing a blanket on us when he arrived home last night."

Again, Dean groaned and rested his head against a cupboard. He was going to have a million questions flying at him once Sam came home from work. It wasn't like he wanted to keep anything from his brother; he just wasn't sure enough about what was going on between Jimmy and himself to warrant a confident answer.

"Dean, are you alright? You are very pale."

As if he didn't feel terrible enough from the hangover, Dean's arm began to cramp again which caused him to inhale sharply. Jimmy was frowning from the other side of the kitchen but didn't move; which Dean was glad for. He didn't want to be fussed over.

"I'm fine. I don't want to seem rude but I kind of want to pass out right now..."

"I do not believe wanting to lose consciousness is considered "fine" amongst humans."

Dean attempted a laugh, "You don't get out much do you?"

No matter how absorbed in Jimmy's bottomless blue eyes Dean was, his mind still bubbled away; trying to decipher the meaning of the heaviness in the pit of his stomach. Maybe Jimmy came from an Amish family? That would explain why he walked everywhere, had never eaten a cheeseburger and seemed unfamiliar with common figures of speech.

"I am needed elsewhere presently, but I am sure we will meet again soon."

Without the slightest explanation, Jimmy left. Just like that, he plucked his trench coat from the back of the couch and closed the front door loudly behind him. At least he'd kind of said there was going to be a second date... if that's what the previous night had been.

Dean opened the back door to let Zeppelin in and carried him to the couch,

"Come on Zeppelin, let's catch up with the real world."

"... teacher in New York has killed sixty-six children. It is not known what sparked the massacre –"

He turned the TV off, "Well, that was depressing."

As Dean went to stand, Zeppelin raced to the front door and greeted Sam with a bark.

"Hey Zep, I hope you've kept Dean pinned to the couch."

Sam crossed the living room and tossed his briefcase onto the couch next to Dean, who pressed the back of his hand to his forehead and moaned dramatically,

"I am fading! I can feel the life slipping from my body!"

"Did you get laid?"

Dean raised an eyebrow, "Subtle. No I did not... At least I don't think I did. All I remember is Jimmy saying _assbutt _a lot. I think he's Amish."

"No, he's just weird. Seriously dude you have to ditch him. Don't get mad, but he did kind of turn up out of nowhere and you still know nothing about him... Are you sure he didn't steal anything while you were sleeping?"

"Sam! Yeah, Jimmy's a little weird but since when does that translate into petty thief? Not that it's any of your business, but I kissed him."

Sam took a beer from the fridge and shrugged, "I'm not saying he's a murderer... He might be one of those people who prey on dying hospital patients and steal their identities. You never know."

"Or, you never know, he might be a decent guy! Did you think about that? Maybe I met him before I got sick and I just can't remember! For fuck sake I can't even remember what happened the day I went to hospital so who the hell knows! I'm gonna take the dog for a walk and don't you _dare_ tell me I'm not well enough."

If Sam had planned on protesting, he kept it to himself. Dean pulled his boots on, tied the leash to Zeppelin and couldn't have disappeared fast enough. Now that he had time to think to himself, Dean wondered if Sam was right. Obviously if he had known Jimmy before his admittance to hospital he hadn't introduced him to his brother.

"Zeppelin, I don't know what to think. There's something about him that I just can't put my finger on."

Dean noticed the sun had sunk below the horizon and turned for home. He began to pay attention to his surroundings and found himself in a seedy looking neighbourhood. How long had he been walking? None of the buildings had lights on, let alone glass in the windows and the street lights flickered their dying light onto the street. It really was like a scene from a horror film.

"Dean Winchester, in the flesh. They don't have you on as tight a leash as I thought."

The woman was leaning against one of the dying lamp posts casually, ignoring Zeppelin's growls and following Dean with her dark eyes.

He ignored the woman, which was what you were supposed to do right? Ignore them and find a busy public place? His ignorance didn't deter her though. Now she was following him, taunting,

"I thought you were a 'shoot first, ask questions later' kind of guy? Or have the angels reined this wild one in? What about precious Sammy? Is he _evil_ yet? I heard along the grapevines that you'd gone into hiding... It doesn't seem like Castiel put enough effort into your hiding place, considering I wasn't even looking for you today."

What was this woman on about? She didn't particularly look like she had escaped an asylum...

"Dean, don't ignore me. You're not really living up to all the hype you know? You've got every demon in the country scared to bump into you, yet you're not even carrying a gun. What is this, some kind of ambush? If so, it's not going to work, the whole block is crawling with hell spawn. Dean? Now you're making me mad."

The woman was walking slightly to the right of Dean, but cut behind him and before he knew it he was flat on his face with the woman's foot crushing his head into the sidewalk. Zeppelin, being the devoted young dog he was, refused to run when Dean had let go of his leash and was scooped up by the woman. From the ground Dean could hear another set of footsteps coming to a halt beside him, the toe of a boot pressing firmly into his ribs. A man growled,

"So this is the almighty Dean Winchester? He's not even struggling, are you sure it's him?"

The woman removed her foot from his head, "Just pick him up."

He didn't know what to do. He'd left his phone at home and it wasn't like anyone was going to hear him yelling for help. With no other option, Dean tried pleading,

"Guys, come on, I don't know what you want... I'm obviously not the guy you're after. I've never shot a gun in my life! I don't even know anyone called Cas- whatever!"

The guy turned to him with pitch black eyes. It was at that point that Dean became genuinely terrified for his life. He didn't know how, but he just _knew_ these people weren't _right._

"It's a shame you didn't put up a fight, hunter. A little foreplay would have been fun. I'm a little disappointed your darling brother isn't here either... I wanted to see his face when I tore your head from your neck."

"Just let me go, please. I'm no hunter. I'm a mechanic, my dad was a mechanic and my mom was-"

"Flame grilled by Azazel. Come on Dean, _everyone_ knows your life story. Now shut your mouth."

_Azazel. _That name.

Rage stirred within Dean but he didn't have a chance to act on it. Something connected with the back of his head and he was unconscious before the pain had a chance to register.

ooo

"Wakey wakey, time to play."

Water splashed across Dean's face as he came around. His head was throbbing and his vision was blurry but he could hear Zeppelin barking and clung onto the familiar sound. He tried to sit up, but chains on his wrists and ankles prevented even the slightest movement. Dean lifted his head as high as he could and found himself living his worst nightmare.

"What kind of freaks are you people?"

The room was tiny and brightly lit with no windows. Surely this wasn't actually happening. A tray beside Dean's head was laden with all manner of sharp metal objects, including a bone saw. A _fucking_ bone saw. There was no way that this was actually happening.

He wiggled his fingers and toes, all twenty accounted for. They'd taken his shirt off, so he could see that they hadn't cut out his kidneys... yet.

"Sorry, you're stuck with us. At least until we send you back to the pit. I'm sure Alastair would love to catch up with his favourite pupil. I'm Vicky by the way."

The woman stepped back into sight and drew a knife along his forearm. She grinned, taking too much pleasure in watching Dean's face contort in pain.

"I still don't know what you're talking about! I don't know any of these fucking people!"

She dug the blade deeper, causing Dean to cry out.

This was it. He was going to die a slow, painful death at the hands of a psychopath with bad contact lenses. For the first time that he could remember, Dean prayed to God that they wouldn't go looking for Sammy. He would haunt their asses forever if they dared touch Sammy.

"Dean, Dean, Dean. I'm starting to lose my patience with you."

Each time she said his name, she pushed the tip of the knife deeper and deeper into Dean's forearm. Tears were streaming down his cheeks and he cried out again before his vision began to cloud over.

ooo

_Dean opened his eyes, but he was in a different room. A man was leaning over his torso, his suit red with blood. He didn't speak, simply holding up a piece of meat and scrunching his nose as he tossed it over his shoulder. The man then picked up a pair of rib cutters and dove back into Dean's flesh. Though Dean didn't feel any pain he still screamed until he was hoarse._

_Alastair._

_The greying man looked up and winked, then carelessly dropped one of Dean's ribs on to the floor beside him._

"_You ready to get yourself off the rack and torture some souls?"_

ooo

After his hallucination, Vicky had started questioning Dean about angels and how to kill them. Of course he had no idea because there was no such thing as _angels of the fucking Lord_, but she wasn't going to stop until she had her answers.

He moaned through the pain of another wound being opened across his stomach, "Stab them through the heart with a silver dagger!"

She pulled the blade from his flesh and leaned over Dean's face, her eyes like empty sockets, "You're sure? Sounds a little too easy to me. You're bluffing."

Dean closed his eyes and didn't struggle as Vicky clenched her fingers around his throat. She had an iron grip, but her voice was almost child-like.

"Say your last prayer to your little guardian angel. You've been more pain than you're worth Winchester. I guess that's why Castiel hasn't come to save you."

It couldn't hurt, praying to some feathery asshole that didn't even exist. So he did. With the last of his voice, Dean gurgled,

"Castiel, a little help here?"


	7. Chapter 7

**Sorry it has taken me so long to update, I had a minor case of writers block. I think I started this chapter four times before I found the direction I wanted to go in. Please review, it gives me the motivation to continue!**

The lifeless bodies of the people who had abducted Dean lay on the floor of the windowless room. He had been untied and was sitting on the edge of the cold metal table, cradling his bleeding arms and stomach. Jimmy, or whatever his name was, wrapped his coat around Dean's shoulders,

"We should get you home. Sam will be worried."

Dean scoffed, "You can't just zap your way in here, kill two people and expect me to trust you."

Jimmy looked puzzled but stepped away from Dean. The two men stared at one another for some time until Dean's eyes widened and even more colour drained from his face.

"You- you're not Jimmy, you're _Cas_. My Cas. I know you. Why do I know you?"

Castiel blinked slowly, "We used to work together. We were quite a team."

"You're not normal."

"I'm not human, if that is what you are implying." He bit his bottom lip hesitantly, "I'm an angel of the Lord."

ooo

Dean walked back downstairs wearing a fresh set of clothing, and absentmindedly ran his fingers over his forearms. Castiel had simply touched his forehead and healed him, thus proving that he wasn't bluffing about being an _angel_. Now he could lift both arms above his head with ease. Still, Dean wasn't sure if the guy sitting in his living room was the same one he had begun to fall for only days earlier.

Why did Cas tell him his name was Jimmy? Where were his wings? Didn't angels have wings? How did angels even exist? He pinched the bridge of his nose and opened his eyes, expecting the living room to be empty. It wasn't.

"Hello, Dean. Your brother has taken your canine companion to be healed. I am sorry, my powers can only go so far."

"Does Sammy know? Did he see me?"

The other man leaned against the doorframe and smirked, ignoring Dean's question, "The first time we met, you stabbed me. The look on your face was very entertaining. You and Bobby-"

"Who's Bobby?" Dean interrupted as he sat down.

"He is not of import right now." Castiel hung his trench coat beside the door, "You were prepared for every other creature but me. I was impressed by your bravery in the face of the unknown... Everything about you fascinates me Dean."

Castiel moved to sit next to Dean on the couch, waiting for him to speak. When Dean finally did look up, his expression was blank.

"Thank you. For healing me."

Cas shrugged, "You do not have to. I wouldn't think twice about dying for you."

"I want to ask so you so many questions but –"

"You're afraid of what the answers will be. I am no monster Dean, I can assure you of that. If you want me to give you some space..."

For some reason the idea of Castiel giving Dean space made him laugh. He shook his head and leaned back on the couch,

"I'd prefer it if you shut your mouth and let me talk for a while."

ooo

Five days had passed since Castiel had revealed to Dean that he was an angel. Sam still didn't know, and Dean intended on keeping it that way for as long as possible. He also didn't know that Cas never left Dean alone, and when Cas walked out the front door after a "visit" he zapped himself straight up to Dean's bedroom and sat in the chair by the corner until Sam left for work the next morning.

Dean rose from the couch and headed to the kitchen to give himself a few moments of privacy. He thought he'd wanted to continue his thing with _Castiel_, but the guy seemed to have shut down completely. He wouldn't answer any more of Dean's questions, pulled away when Dean tried to touch him and if that wasn't bad enough, he'd suddenly forgotten how to walk or use doors unless Sam was home. Not that Dean would have passed up zapping himself everywhere if he'd had the chance, he was just sick of being interrupted whilst in the shower.

"When you thought I was Jimmy you looked me in the eye. You do not trust me anymore."

Again, Cas managed to zap himself as close to Dean as possible. He could feel the angel's breath on the back of his neck and turned to meet his piercing blue eyes.

Dean sighed, running a hand over his face, "I don't know you anymore. You don't get it Cas, we have to start again. Like we've never met. It's not so difficult for you. You know more about me than I do right now. I don't even know why I'm like this, I feel weak and helpless and I don't know why. You won't tell me why you have me under house arrest and I really wish that you would at least let me shower alone because it's a little weird being naked in the same room as an angel."

"I have seen you naked many times Dean. Being an angel, I do not have to physically be in the room to watch over you. I find it pleasant listening to you sing in the shower." Cas paused for a moment, waiting for Dean to interrupt him. He continued when Dean remained silent, "Jimmy, the man who belongs to this vessel, began complaining that I did not adhere to his usual standard of hygiene so you taught me how to bathe. Of course I did not _need_ to do these things, but it comforted Jimmy. You will have the rest of your answers in due time, when you are ready."

Castiel waited for Dean's brow to furrow and his teeth to clench before he started yelling, but nothing happened. Instead, Dean raised an eyebrow and said,

"I taught you how to shower? What was I? Your nanny?"

The two men sat outside on the back porch and watched Zeppelin hobble around in the late morning sunshine. He'd been lucky to escape the attack with only a broken leg.

"You walked in on me standing under the water. At the time I didn't know what soap was, so I just stood under the water and waited for something to happen. I will admit when you opened the door I felt somewhat self conscious, I'd never even seen my vessel naked before and there you were poking your gun at the curtain and threatening to shoot me."

Dean laughed quietly to himself, "Me, with a gun? I guess that's a story for another day though. I bet you were shitting yourself."

"I was apprehensive, yes. But I had seen your body, so I felt it was only fair that you saw mine. You asked me what I was doing, and offered to guide me from the other side of the curtain."

Sounding surprised, Dean said, "I kissed you that night. We were-" He paused, concentrating on something in the distance, "I think we were in my car... Yeah, we were in the Impala and you were talking. I can't remember what you were saying, but I just slid over and kissed you. Talk about a scene from a chick flick."

Castiel stared at Dean, his head tilted slightly to one side, "Have you remembered anything else?"

He shook his head, "Nothing. I just remember the look on your face; your mouth kind of hanging open and your cheeks bright pink. Then you thanked me. Were we together before?"

"It is complicated Dean. We only kissed that once, but I think we both wanted to do it again."

As both men stood, hovering ever so closely to one another, Dean bit his lip and nodded, "Yeah, I think I do."


	8. Chapter 8

**This chapter is a bit longer... I've had a bit of a weird week so I'm not really 100% happy with this chapter, but I really just want to move on to the next so it's just going to have to stay this way.**

_The pliers were hot, burning Dean's tongue as they clamped down on a tooth. He tried to scream as he felt a molar being torn from his mouth, but only managed to choke on the blood that slid down his dry throat. His torturer dropped the bloody tooth into a bowl and turned back to Dean, shoving the pliers back into his mouth._

"Alastair you motherfucker!"

He thrashed and clawed at the arms pressing him into the mattress, but they didn't budge. It took him a few seconds to realise that he was lying in bed with Castiel staring down at him worriedly.

"Dean, what were you dreaming of?"

He sat up, running his tongue across the back of his teeth, "Nothing."

Castiel raised his eyebrows, "Really?"

Dean licked his lips and whispered, half hoping that Castiel would tell him he was being stupid and to go back to sleep, "He was pulling my teeth out. It felt so goddamn real."

Cas sat at the end of the bed, flinching at Dean's use of his father's name, "It was real. You were remembering Hell."

Hell? Like _the _Hell? Dean almost smirked to himself, how could he not believe in Hell if he knew there was an angel from Heaven sitting on his bed?

"What are you saying? I've been to Hell? What did I do? Cas..."

The angel turned to Dean, scowling, "You sold your soul to save your brother's life. He died, you made a deal with a demon to bring him back and they gave you a year to live."

"How am I here then? I couldn't have just walked out of-"

"I pulled you out." Castiel muttered.

Dean's eyes widened and his attention turned to his shoulder. He pulled his sleeve up and touched the skin tenderly. It was like a movie playing in his head; remembering being stuck underground, finding the hand shaped scar on his shoulder, Bobby throwing holy water at him...

He stood up and moved in front of Castiel, taking one of his hands and placing it on his shoulder,

"Bring it back."

Castiel stood, his hand remaining on Dean's arm and pulled him into a kiss. Gentle warmth spread from the angel's hand and when he moved away he whispered,

"Your memory is coming back quicker than I thought."

Dean removed Castiel's coat from his shoulders and threw back the covers of the bed. He climbed in after the angel and laid his head on Castiel's chest, 

"Why did you bring me back?"

He knew Cas wasn't asleep; he never slept, but he gave no answer.

ooo

"Jesus Sam, you look wrecked!"

Dean had come to a halt as he exited the kitchen, almost spilling his coffee down his brother's front. He was right though, Sam was pale and his eyes were barely open as he shuffled through the house.

He mumbled, taking Dean's coffee and downing it in one, "I'm fine. Just need coffee."

Without another word, Sam headed straight to the coffee pot and poured himself another mug-full. He was trying to fool Dean, but his big brother knew better.

"Go and sit outside with Cas for a while. Maybe you just need fresh air."

What Dean really wanted was for Sam to start talking to Castiel. The man was awkward and hardly knew how to hold a conversation, but maybe that was what Sam needed. Someone who would simply listen.

Sam didn't bother arguing with Dean, so he forced himself into the morning sunshine and slumped in a chair on the back porch as Castiel and Zeppelin stared at each other.

"Your canine has a jovial expression. What is so pleasing about chasing one's tail?"

Both the dog and Castiel tilted their heads in unison, confusion spreading across their faces. It was enough to make Sam laugh wearily and shake his head,

"I don't know what Dean sees in you. You must be great in bed."

Castiel turned to Sam, "What do you mean? He finds my presence comforting, even though he will not admit it."

"He's never had a stable relationship before, let alone a relationship with a _guy._ You know Dean, he's all about boobs. And _you_" Sam clutched at his forehead, "don't have boobs."

ooo

Dean sat with Sam at the dining table, asking him a hundred different questions about the pain in his head. It had been half an hour since Castiel had helped Sam limp inside and Dean had noticed that he'd been deep in thought ever since.

"Sam, go to bed. I'll bring you some soup and I swear to God if you don't eat it I'll kick your ass into next Tuesday." He followed Sam to the foot of the stairs, then turned back to Castiel, "And you, you are worrying me. What is it?"

Castiel sighed heavily, keeping his hands in his pockets as Dean wrapped his arms around him from behind, "Your brother, he is showing signs... of withdrawal. I had repressed the feelings as far back into his mind as I could but my powers can only extend so far and I had to take care of you too. I shouldn't have done this; nothing ever goes to plan with you Dean. I should have known something would go wrong. I should have found another way to protect you. Now you are helpless against evil and it is my fault."

The angel stepped away from Dean and disappeared, the soft flutter of wings indicating he had zapped himself elsewhere. Dean was yet again clueless to what was happening and found himself alone with too many unanswered questions and nothing to distract him. Anger boiled up inside Dean as he made a bowl of soup and practically dropped it on his brother as he clenched his jaw,

"What is really going on Sam? Are you remembering things a normal human being shouldn't even know?"

Sam placed the bowl on the nightstand and sat on the edge of his bed, "Remembering things like what Dean?"

"I was feeding the dog this morning and all of a sudden I am tied up in some shitty farmhouse surrounded by cannibal hicks and all I know is that they have you and... don't you dare look at me like that Sam. I am _not_ crazy!"

"No, no, I don't think you're crazy. I haven't had any dreams, but I feel like I've been hit by a truck and my brain is about to explode."

They remained silent, mulling over what each had said. Cas had mentioned that Sammy was suffering withdrawal symptoms. What had he been addicted to? Was he into drugs? Alcohol? Dean knew that whatever Cas was "protecting" them from was... _heavy _to say the least, but an angel from Heaven wouldn't be there just to rehabilitate an alcoholic.

Dean left Sam to finally get some rest, almost walking straight into Castiel as he entered the living room. The angel looked worried, his eyes set on Dean and his brow furrowed,

"You're upset. This emotion, it consumes you... It has for years now."

"Do you think I like having half a memory? Sure, if I was remembering a healthy childhood I'd be peachy, but all I can see inside my head is monsters! Sam thinks I'm crazy! Please, just tell us what is going on. Are you really a good guy, or did you plant those memories in my head? Who knows what you could do with your freaking angel mojo! At least tell me what is up with Sam so I can help him."

Castiel closed his eyes and breathed calmly, "You're in no shape to know the truth right now."

Again, anger bubbled within Dean and he swung his fist at Cas. Of course he missed as the angel manifested behind him and rested a hand on his tense shoulder,

"Dean, calm down. Trust me; it is better for you this way."

"Trust you? How can I trust you if I know you are keeping my whole fucking life hidden from me? This is not as simple as you think it is. Angels, demons, all that shit and you expect me to _calm down?_" Dean shook Castiel's hand from his shoulder and growled, "Get out."

"Dean-"

"I said, get out! If you so much as _think_ about bringing your feathery ass back into my house, I _will_ find a way to kill you."

All that mattered to Dean was keeping his brother safe, and having Castiel around was jeopardising everything. Dean hadn't seen it because he had been caught up in the angel's vivid blue eyes, but he and Sam had been falling apart right under his nose. Now that the angel was gone, Dean could concentrate on Sam's wellbeing.

When Sam woke up and wandered downstairs, he knew something had changed while he had been asleep. Dean was outside lying on the grass with Zeppelin, talking to the dog like he would reply at any moment,

"You know Zepp, for a minute there I thought I had _the one_. I could have spent eternity looking at Castiel's eyes. They were beautiful. It's a shame he had to be such a lying son of a bitch... Fuck, Zepp, what have I done? I've just gone and ruined the best thing in my life over-" he rubbed a hand across his face, "I don't even know what it was about."

ooo

_Dean was driving the Impala along a deserted highway when a man appeared beside him. Cas._

"_What? Now I'm dreaming about you? My day couldn't get any better."_

_The angel stared straight ahead, "You should salt the doors and windows when you wake up."_

"_To stop the demons getting in. I know, I remembered after you left."_

_Castiel studied Dean's profile as they drove in silence. His brow was furrowed and his mouth set in a narrow line while his teeth crushed together, flexing the muscles in his jaw. Dean was angry, an emotion Castiel had dealt with from day one. Except this time he didn't let Dean continue to bottle it up._

"_I know you're mad at me. You have every right to be. If you were your old self you probably would have shot me by now."_

_Dean turned to look at the angel, an eyebrow raised, "Shot you? Am I really that much of a dick?"_

"_Well, yeah. 'Shoot first, ask questions later' was always your motto."_

_Quiet laughter escaped Dean's lips, a tense smirk the closest Cas had seen to a smile in days. Dean scratched the back of his neck, a habit that indicated that he was thinking._

_Some time passed before Dean pulled the car over and leaned against the hood,_

"_I'm not dreaming about you am I? You're using your mojo."_

"_Yes, I am using my powers. It's easier to speak to you without Sam listening. Before you start yelling, it's about his safety. All of this is to save your brother."_

_The two men spent what felt like hours taking turns in talking. Dean revealed that he remembered what he assumed to be everything; his mother being murdered by Azazel, searching for his father with Sam after Jess had died, finding their father and losing him just as quickly, and trying to stop the 66 seals from being broken._

"_Sam drinks demon blood. He's been seeing the demon Ruby behind your back, exorcising demons with his mind. My brothers will kill him if he doesn't stop. You gave me permission to erase your memories to protect him, but I wasn't strong enough to erase yours properly. Like I said, nothing goes to plan with you." Castiel said as he saw tears well up in Dean's eyes._

_He was remembering, arguing with Sam in the motel room before telling Cas to work his magic, and it was killing Dean. Why did he make such a stupid decision? He'd been defenceless when those demons had attacked him and if he hadn't called out to Cas, he'd have been skinned alive. Who knows what would have happened if they'd found Sam instead._

"_Can you fix us? Bring everything back?"_

_Dean looked up, knowing the angel had already disappeared._


	9. Chapter 9

**Sorry this has taken me so incredibly long. I won't go into details but a lot of things have been happening in my family during the last few months so sadly writing has been the last thing on my mind. I would like to say I will be updating more often in the new year, but I can't promise that. I will try to update whenever I can though. Also, sorry if this is a bit of a dodgy chapter, I have to try and get back into the swing of writing haha.**

"I don't know if I can bring your memories back."

Castiel's voice echoed around the bathroom as Dean stood beneath the hot water and rested his forehead against the wall. He startled when the angel spoke, but was too exhausted to care.

"It took you a whole week to tell me that?"

"You told me you didn't want to see me."

Dean poked his hand out from behind the shower curtain, "Pass me a towel."

A towel was thrust into Dean's hand, then Castiel was gone.

ooo

Nothing was making sense to Dean anymore. Sam was slowly recovering though, which made life a little easier.

"Sammy, go watch some porn or something." He called from the kitchen. When he had finished making his sandwich, Dean sat next to his brother and noticed his grim expression.

Sam spoke slowly, "There's something you're not telling me."

"Oh, there's plenty I'm not telling you. Don't expect me to say a word."

They sat in silence for a while, not really paying attention to the show on the television. Sam leaned back and crossed his arms, and Dean shook his head. He wasn't going to tell Sam about the demon blood. He wouldn't believe him anyway.

"Why did you break up with Castiel?"

Dean laughed; Sam's question wasn't what he'd been expecting. He didn't even know if he and the angel were really together in the first place, so he wasn't completely sure if they'd broken up.

"Because I'm not the person I used to be. He deserves better."

He swore he heard feathers rustle behind him, but when he turned around no one was there.

ooo

Dean had been sitting on the back porch with Zeppelin, staring up at the stars when the doorbell rang.

"Who the fuck rings a doorbell at midnight?"

He glanced through the peep hole and saw a frightened woman shivering in the cold. It wasn't until he opened the door that he realised his mistake.

"Dean Winchester, how nice to see you again. Is your brother in?"

The brunette flashed a smile and as she blinked her eyes turned black.

"Ruby. It's been a while."

"I see you remember me... I heard along the grapevine that you and Sam are under witness protection. Didn't know that involved being cleansed by the feather dusters."

Dean's heart skipped a beat as he glanced down and realised that opening the door had broken the line of salt he'd laid down. From what he could remember, Ruby wouldn't kill him because of Sam, but for all he knew she could have brought along a few friends.

Ruby stepped past Dean and looked around the living room,

"Your place is nice... even if it does reek of holy bird-men."

"Sam doesn't remember anything about any of that demon blood crap so you can turn around and crawl back into the hole you've been hiding in. That's not our life anymore."

He flinched as the demon stepped too close to him, scowling and generally radiating hatred,

"You can't hide from them forever. I know about your little run in with those demons and how you couldn't even defend yourself. It's pathetic how badly you want to forget it all. Saying your name used to bring fear into the hearts of my kind. You were unbeatable." She stepped back and ran a hand through her dark hair, "You and your brother have saved so many people, yet you're happy to hide in your little angel-made bubble and let the apocalypse happen. That's not the Dean Winchester I used to know. You should have at least called me a bitch and pulled a knife on me by now."

Dean smiled tensely,

"In that case, _bitch_, get out of my house before I do pull a knife on you."

She turned on her heel and stormed out, and Dean had felt a tiny flicker of his old self igniting.

ooo

It had been three days since Castiel had spoken to Dean. He was everywhere though; in the living room trying to understand soap operas, in the kitchen staring at the kettle as it boiled, playing with Zeppelin in the yard, and occasionally watching Dean sleep. He knew this because he had caught the angel sitting on the edge of the bed on the third night. Thanks to Sam and his newfound trust in Castiel, he had convinced Dean to give their _thing_ another go.

"Stop staring, you're burning holes in my back."

Dean felt the mattress bounce as Castiel flinched,

"I apologise. I will refrain from looking at you for long periods of time."

"Seriously? Cas, get into bed." When he didn't feel the angel move, he rolled over and sighed, "You know I hate chick-flick moments, but I've missed you alright? Now take of your damn shoes and let me start apologising for being such a dick."

Castiel removed his shoes and coat, then crawled under the sheets and kissed Dean on the forehead as they tangled together,

"I have already forgiven you Dean. Now stop worrying and go to sleep. I will meet you in your subconscious."

ooo

It wasn't long before Dean saw Castiel enter the enormous shed. This was one of the rare times Dean was able to see Castiel's magnificent silver wings spread out, and it made him realise how comfortable the angel was with him.

"This is a significant place to you?" Castiel asked as he stood a few steps to Dean's left.

Dean studied every inch of the empty space. There were no symbols sprayed on the walls, and sunlight sprinkled through the cracks in the roof and walls instead of rain, but this was definitely the same place he'd met his first angel.

"Yeah, we met here."

The angel kept his hands in his pockets and nodded, obviously intending on letting Dean do most of the talking.

"You pulled me out of Hell and I tried to kill you. I'm such an ungrateful son of a bitch. Then I dragged you around for months and treated you like a slave... Why are you still here? Why didn't you just beam back up to Heaven and forget about me?"

Dean took a step away from Castiel, intending to go outside and take a few deep breaths, but his vision was obscured by a wall of silver feathers. Castiel's wings enveloped the two men as Dean turned around and noticed the obvious hurt in the angel's eyes.

"You think you dragged me around like a slave but I could have left any other angel to watch over you. I am still here because I choose to be Dean. I may not have human emotions but I feel like my grace is being torn from me when I am forced to be away from you. Do you think that is what it feels like to be in love?"

_In love._

Dean pulls his lower lip between his teeth and nods; he knows that is what it feels like.


End file.
